are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
