I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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