Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
