RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
