I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
