I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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