Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
