and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just high enough for therapy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
