I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
