Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
