Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
