I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
