so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
