Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
