So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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