More tranny stories later!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
