there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
