i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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