She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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