I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
