Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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