why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
