this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
