I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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