Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
