i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
