I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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