Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Im part way to drunk.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
