I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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