the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
