Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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