DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
