he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
