i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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