What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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