so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
