Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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