the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
