i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
