She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I fill condoms, not promises.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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