Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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