SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
