his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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