end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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