She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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