Non-Jews are for practice
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
