Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
