Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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