I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
