who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
