If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
