I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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