Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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